I came up with an easy and simple solution to get my boat from its winter storage facility back to my home. This 45 mile trip is a bit out of my way, but conveniently my roommate, who owns a big powerful truck, drives within 50 feet of the boat, when he goes to his girl friends house. Since he is madly in love (sorry if this is how you found out), he drives by about 6 times a week. So my plan – stick with me on this- was for him to stop by, and pick it up. Seems simple, I know. After 6 weeks, and 0 boat deliveries – I saw an unpleasant pattern developing.
Plan B – borrow a big powerful truck and get it myself.
So I call up my friend Kurt, who is tall as he is handsome. Kurt can I borrow you truck? “Sure”, he said with a grin. I ignored the grin and drove to the predetermined destination to switch vehicles, my wimpy little Nissan, for his truck, with the logo of a male sheep.
As I navigate the parking lot, I nearly wrecked my sweet Nissan, as a old person was driving backwards. Is there anything scarier then old people driving. If there is, its old people driving backwards. Hello old people, I think the movie Snatch summed it well with the line: “It was directly behind you Tyrone! When you drive in reverse, things tend to come at you from behind”.
10 Sec of horn blowing got old man’s attention, and he graciously stopped. Good, now I don’t need a police report, we can get the truck and start the 45 mile voyage. I get the keys, and head out in the downpour, and notice the hook up for the trailer lights is incorrect. There are basically 2 types of trailer light hook ups. The 2005 and earlier design, which has 4 plugs arranged like the lower case “L”, or the New and ‘improved’ 6 plug system, arranged like both the upper and lower case “O”. I need the former. I try to explain this to the manly-man Kurt, using a surfeit of hand gestures and all the synonyms I can conjure up. Eventually Josh chimes in to translate my English to Minnesotan English. “There is an adaptor behind the seat” Kurt proclaims in a joyous tone. Good enough. I’m on my way! Nope. Behind the seats there is a T shirt, which has seen better days and a winter hat from Shell’s Brewery (great beer). No adaptor. So around the building I go again, to see if Meyers (the baby maker) has an adaptor- he has everything. He did. And right where he thought it should be. Around the building again, to return Meyer’s his keys. Now I’m on my way.
I get to KC and Dusty’s house, as the sun sets behind the rain clouds. Interesting side note, growing up the dogs my family had, where named, Dusty and KC, odd. Dusty is in the barn working on a project, and happily drops what he is doing to lend me a hand. Note to self, buy that guy a beer. There are some tight corners, so we drag out the boat by hand, for the first little bit. It gets stuck on something; we do a brief, what-are-we-hitting, and see nothing. Guess we are just pussies, pull harder. Pulling harder wasn’t the answer. Found a small steel hunk of tire popping fun. Ssssssss. Damn. Dusty to the rescue, he has a tire patching kit. There is rubber cement, and some booger looking things. Minutes later, the tire if full of air again. Wow. Note to self, buy that guy a case of beer.
Now the boat is hooked up to the truck- cool, making s
ome headway. Plug in the lights and we are on our way. Sure sounds simple. I have the 6-4 adaptor, but the cords are stretched tighter then this girl’s pants:
Bet that will pop off if I turn, and there are a few bends in the 45 mile road trip. Luckily love-struck Ed the roommate happened to have a extension trailer light cord (don’t ask why). Note to self, buy that guy a beer. Now we have ample slack, are the lights working? No, of course they aren’t.
Normally if it were day time I’d chance not having lights, but it happens to be dark out. It’s darker then a black steers tuckus on a starless prairie night. But no need to worry, Dusty the genie has yet another trick up his sleeve. Dusty, pulls out a little electrical testing box, and finds power coming out of the adaptor, so the problem is in the trailer. Great. Dusty to the rescue, he has some magnetic lights for a trailer, for just such an occasion. Note to self, buy that guy a steak dinner. The new lights work. We duct tape the hell out of the lights, better safe then sorry. Sweet this took longer then expected, but we are ready to go. No, of course we aren’t.
The booger patch is leaking. Put some more air in the tire. Reminder it’s raining, its late, and the borrowed truck probably doesn’t have a tire iron to match this trailer. I’m beginning to feel like the pretty girl in a horror movie, just waiting to be screwed in one way other another.
I’m out of ideas, and thinking its time to throw in the towel- wait a minute. Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! (thanks Animal House), I still have the genie. Work your magic Dusty! Sure as Monday’s suck, he had a solution. I think I have a spare tire about that size. You have to be kidding me. He did. With a Pneumatic Air Impact Wrench the tire was replaced fast enough to impress even the reddest of rednecks. Note to self buy that guy a hooker. Good now we can go…right? Yea. Even made it home with out being arrested. Handy I ran into my beautiful wife, right away, and she followed my flapping/tear boat cover all the way home.
The next battle: Will the boat start now?
